Adam.

For Adam

When I first went to the University, I was in a strange, transitional place in my life where I was still struggling with a lot of self-doubt and image problems I faced in High School but also ultimately pretty happy with where my life was going. This dichotomy was what made my second year at University pretty much a write-off - I failed some classes, avoided making friends, and pretty much fucked myself over GPA wise. I was kicked out of the department and had to get my GPA back up before I'd be readmitted. I decided instead to take a year off from University and figure my shit out. I went back to school a year later, pushed hard to get my GPA back up, was readmitted, spent 4 years doing plays and completing classes and graduated with a BFA in 2010. Those 4 years were some of my favorite years of my life. 

But because of that whole situation, I was older than most of the people in the department at the time. It's the reason most of my close friends are people I didn't really know in High School. The people my age had graduated by the time I started to be recognized by the other students. 

This is a very long winded way of saying that Adam was one of the first friends I made once I returned to the program, even though we did technically go to high school together. In fact we had met once before, briefly, when a mutual friend of ours brought him to my house to watch Buffy (Buffy may be a recurring theme with my friendships and therefore this blog). I was a nervous dude back then, so we didn't hit it off as I know we would have in retrospect if I had been more outgoing like I am today. 

Anyway, due to the high school connection, Adam knew a lot of people I either already knew or sort-of knew. We shared a class together around the time he was auditioning for a play (Moliere for those keeping score at home), and I remember hearing how badly he wanted this role. One of the first things I remember saying to Adam was a very meek 'congratulations' when I heard that he nailed it and was cast. I think I may have mumbled my way through an explanation too - ie. 'I remember hearing how much you wanted that role, so I wanted to say congrats!' The fact that he wanted something and made it happen through his own hard work was incredibly inspiring to me, as up to that point I had been a bit of a lazy actor, and realized that's not the way to get roles.

After that I more or less watched Adam from afar - which sounds infinitely creepier than it was. I watched him perform in shows, and saw some of his Malaysia video blogs because my friends would watch them. I remember hearing other people talk about Adam often, always positively, and I remember silently cursing myself for never having gotten the chance to be his friend. I was content with just admiring Adam and congratulating him on his continued success.

But then our paths began to cross more and more, and our friendship began to grow. I can't pinpoint a moment but eventually it got to the point where Adam was one of my go-to contacts to hang out with. Sometimes all it would take would be a simple text message saying 'hangzies?' and we'd be playing trivial pursuit, jeopardy, skip bo, poker, or some other card game or what-have-you. We bonded quickly over our unwavering skepticism, and a love for cheesy horror films. I don't think I would have seen half the horror movies I've seen if I hadn't had Adam to watch them with. 

But Adam has done something for me that very few people could have had the compassion and understanding to do. Adam woke me up. I've mentioned before that my self-esteem issues, prevalent more so in high school than after, has continued to plague me into my adult years. I have very few people I can approach with these feelings, and often times I don't know how to deal with them. I grew up with the internet, and in school 'blogging' was, to me, 'livejournaling.' I had a livejournal that I posted to often when I was feeling down. I kept it private to friends, but it was still a semi-public way of expressing my depression. Facebook changed that and I would, sometimes, write notes about my current state of being. All that's important to this story is that I made a particularly negative note one day that prompted Adam to send me a message. The message was exactly, and I mean exactly what I needed at that time. It was firm, but caring. It was honest, but understanding. It was something only a true friend would have been able to express to me and not make me feel worse. In fact it made me feel better. It made me realize some things about myself that since then, has turned things around for me for the better. 

It was so refreshing hearing not only kind words, but words of wisdom and understanding from someone I love and respect. So thank you Adam, for being there for me.

Adam's departure from the University was a pretty big blow for me. He moved out to the coast to pursue film work, and while he does get the occasional acting gig back in Alberta and I get to see him then - it's rough not having him around to play games with, or laugh at psychics and ghosthunters with, or watch horror films with. But I know that he's happy out west, and his talent and work ethic is going to bring him to amazing places. And I'll always be cheering him on.

Copyright Alan Johnson and Blingee