Lindsey.

 For Lindsey

I'm reviving this blog because I have a lot of feelings. Hopefully I'll stick with it longer this time. For my first foray back into the world of telling my friends how much I lurve them (if I saw lurve instead of love it makes it seem less scary, or so my grade 6 girlfriend told me), I knew I had to talk about one of my oldest and most dearest friends. It's gonna get mushy.

I was not the most confident teenager. That may seem a little redundant, as few teenagers are. But bear with me here. I spent an enormous part of my youth feeling down on myself, being shy and awkward, and not knowing how to express my feelings for others without the fear of them teasing me or rejection or what have you. It's been a long and difficult road to get to the point I'm at now where I can confidently say 'I'm a delight' or 'I'm fucking awesome' or 'Shut up baby I know it!' (the last one is when being complimented, and it's a lot more charming in person than it seems written down). There have been a large amount of amazing friends and kind words and acts of love that have gotten me here. But no one has influenced and shaped my love for myself as heavily as my dear friend Lindsey Zess-Funk.

I technically met Lindsey in my first year of University. We took Drama 1000 together, and keep in mind I was still super awkward, didn't know how to talk to people, and basically used drama and the stage to express myself where I couldn't when just being myself. That's a whole other story about how theatre made me a much more happy individual. But at this time, I was still feeling pretty down on myself. Heck, there was a girl in that class that I asked out on a date, but didn't really call it a date because people actually do that? And then she forgot about it and I thought it was the worst thing that could happen to me.

I DIGRESS. I met Lindsey in Drama 1000 and I still remember one of the first times I took notice of her, and while I don't remember too many specifics, I do remember we were all sitting in a circle and talking about...drama things, probably. She was saying something interesting and eloquent as, if you don't know her, Lindsey is an incredibly intelligent woman. I remember thinking to myself, 'huh. Cool girl with smarts AND looks. Outta my league.' (Remember, I didn't like myself at this time).

We never really hit it off then, partly due to my inability to talk to people I thought were cool and partly because I was still rethinking this whole 'getting a degree in Drama' thing. I left the University for a while, and when I came back I got to be in a few more classes with Lindsey, notably a playwriting class where we became a bit closer friends.

BUT EVERYTHING CHANGED IN THE SUMMER OF 2008. (Woah, exciting twist coming!) I had heard some things about the Empress Theatre Summer Program from others, a theatre in Fort Macleod that does plays, tours, and children's summer camps. But never really thought it was something I'd be any good at. Lindsey happened to message me that summer, as she was going to be directing one of the shows and was looking for some people to hire. She thought of me, and it's one of the first times I remember someone seeking me out unsolicited. I applied on her recommendation, primarily because I felt super special. Boy, was that a great decision!

My summer at the Empress Theatre changed my life drastically. Not only did I rediscover a love of theatre, but I developed some skills I never thought I'd have (being a tour guide, teaching drama camps) AND gave me some pretty solid friendships. That summer is still one of my most favorite memories and I loved it so much, I went back the next two years in different roles. I did work a lot to get that job, but I can't help but thank Lindsey for giving me a bit of a jumpstart into that world, and for thinking of little ol' me too.

We got to know each other very well during the course of the Empress program, and the next year as well. We bonded over love of music and art, and she quickly became a person I looked up to in many, many ways. The work she has done on stage has always been some of my favorite theatre I've seen. I've regretted each time I had to miss one of the show's she's had a hand in, since I know it would have inspired and invigorated me once again. She is quite possibly one of the most intelligent and talented people I know.

But alas, she left Lethbridge to get her Masters in Directing at U of C, and a piece of me went with her. I was very happy for her but selfishly sad for me. I admired and cared for her from afar while I toiled away in Lethbridge getting my degree. An opportunity arose after I graduated to move to Calgary, and everything at the time pointed toward it being the best idea, so I made the move, and started toiling away in a new, much larger city.

It was when I had to cast a role in a play that fell into my lap that I reunited with Lindsey at last. Now, Lindsey will tell you she is not an actor, but I know that not to be true, and as hard on herself as she is about her acting abilities, I think she is absolutely wonderful. Whether she is playing a whooping crane, or a woman coping with her fading memories, I've always been amazed at how truthful she can be. I put her in this play because I knew she could do it but also because I knew she would give it her all. The play went up at the Calgary One Act Festival and we received an award for our work, and it was the first directing work I did since leaving the University - it was an incredibly important moment for me and I was glad to share it with Lindsey.

But more importantly, it's the event that re-ignited our friendship and pushed it even further. We were both living in the same city, and working in the theatre world, so it made sense we'd keep running into each other and continue to work together in various aspects, and I couldn't be more thankful. Lindsey is the kind of person I've always felt comfortable around, I've always just enjoyed being in her presence. It's actually really hard to think of a time when we weren't close friends because it just feels so natural and normal that we're BFF. I can't tell you how many times I've needed an ear to talk at and Lindsey has been there. You'd think if you text your friend at 5am about how down you are you won't hear from them until the morning. Not Lindsey. Lindsey will call you about 10 seconds later, so you can talk about it and hear her beautiful voice on the other end. Somehow just 10 minutes of chat with Lindsey can make you feel like things are not as bad as they seem, and she can always make me laugh despite myself.

Lindsey is truly a friend that I can not imagine my life without. She makes things brighter and more beautiful just by being in the room. She makes me smile and love my life when I'm feeling down. She has been a constant pillar of support, love, friendship, and inspiration. She means the absolute world to me, and the great part about it is, I know I mean the world to her too. When she tells me she loves me, and that she appreciates me, there's not even a seedling of doubt in my mind whether or not she is sincere. For a guy like me, that means a whole hell of a lot. I want the whole world to know the beautiful person I know and am lucky to call a friend. And Lindsey, your response to all this should be clear. 'Shut up baby I know it.'

I love you for forever.